Can't Stand It
by searCHIngfORmySuPErman
Summary: Eli starts at Degrassi and becomes friends with Adam and Clare. He has a lot of baggage, but a pair of blue eyes might change the way he thinks. Summary is bleh. I promise story will be better! Please R&R and lots of eclare fluff! Rated T to be safe.
1. She's Got Style

Those damn, damn crystal blue eyes. I couldn't even focus on finishing my English assignment because of those damn eyes. It wasn't like I had a crush on her or anything because I just couldn't because, well, you know, it's not fair to her. And she doesn't make me happy. I mean, those eyes, well, I can't help but smile whenever I think about them. Wait. I don't smile. Ever. This crazy, Jesus-loving, blue-eyed girl makes me squirm. I couldn't figure her out. She wasn't just some girl. She was _the_ girl.I sighed as I drove in Degrassi's parking lot, knowing I'd be seeing those eyes again. But to tell you the truth, it wasn't just her eyes that made me swoon. _Swoon. _She made my insides turn numb with every move she made. Whenever she would walk, her auburn curls would bounce back and forth, and her lips, well, they were so plump and pink. Wait. I wasn't actually staring at her lips, but whenever she talks, my eyes just seem to travel to her lips. There were a lot of other places I could be looking... I rested my head on Morty's steering wheel and let out a long sigh. I was in deep trouble. When I looked up from the wheel the blue-eyed beauty was passing by. She smiled and turned towards the car, auburn curls bouncing along the way. Uh-oh. I found myself trying to regain my composure before she could tell that I was nervous. She wasn't supposed to make me nervous. _I _was supposed to be the gothic freak who intimidated everyone, even though, whether you I wanted to admit it or not, I was hardly intimidating.

I opened the door to Morty as Clare stopped in front of him. She began to giggle.

"Spit it out, Edwards. What's your deal?" She brought those big blue eyes to mine. I looked away, trying not to get lost in them, but I turned back. She _always _seemed to pull me back to reality.

"I just still cannot believe that you drive a hearse." She continued giggling. I squinted my eyes at her, making her feel small.

"He has a name, you know. Morty. His name's Morty." She continued to giggle. I couldn't help but realize how cute she looked as she giggled. Auburn curls shaking in the wind and her bright blues eyes wide and open, she was just asking for me to kiss her. _Wait._ I didn't actually think about kissing her, right? I slowly began to massage my temples and forgot that the blue-eyed beauty was still standing next to Morty. She probably thought I was a freak who had named his car.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Morty, but Eli, c'mon we have to get into school before we're late. I don't need to get a detention right now…" She began to mumble towards the end, but I could only make out a few words about how her life was already in shambles. Her eyes saddened as she mumbled, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for Clare. No one deserved to be sad, especially Clare.

I sighed as I shut Morty's door and followed the beauty towards to doors of Degrassi. I remember the first time I had seen Degrassi when my parents brought me here trying to get me away from my past. I was not even slightly thrilled at the sight of the community school, but then something had changed my mind. Well, _someone _had changed my mind.

From the moment I heard the glass crunch under Morty's tires, my life had taken a complete 360. I had sworn off becoming friends with anyone since the accident, but she had changed everything.

As soon as I opened the door, I figured I'd be scaring off some kid who had thrown something at Morty, but I was completely wrong. I picked up the pair of broken glasses under Morty's wheel and turned, finding myself standing in front of two girls. One being a dark-skinned and dark-haired girl with a lot of makeup, and the other being the complete opposite. She was a conservative girl wearing a _cross_ with the prettiest blue eyes I had ever seen. I made a flirtatious comment while she could barely put a sentence together.

I couldn't help but laugh as I stepped back into Morty before driving out of the parking lot and heading back home. I had made an impression on the cross-wearing, conservative girl with the biggest and prettiest blue eyes. Little did I know that I would eventually become extremely close friends with her.

We parted ways as the two of us entered Degrassi. Clare going towards her homeroom, and me heading off to find Adam before going to our homeroom. I found Adam sitting in front of my locker reading a comic book. I kicked his leg, and he slid out of the way, before standing up to give me a fist bump.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting for you for like twenty minutes." I smiled to myself as I grabbed a book from my locker and shoved my backpack inside. _Damn these new rules_.

"Sorry, man, I got a little sidetracked." He began to laugh. "What's up with you?"

"Meaning you have been talking with Clare all morning. Face it, dude. You like her." He poked my shoulder. I shook him off. A puzzled look came across his face.

"No, I don't, Adam. You're insane." He shook his head. I sighed realizing that what he had said was true.

"Whatever, dude. When you realize I'm right, and you're wrong, come talk with me. I don't want to be put in the middle of this." _In the middle of this? _What the hell was he talking about? At that moment, I realized I had to tell Adam. It wasn't fair that he didn't know my situation. He wouldn't understand my position if I did not tell him soon.

"Adam, I need to tell you something. Like, in private." He looked confused and widened his eyes. "No, not like that. It's just something. There's a reason for me not being able to be with Clare." His eyes widened even more, if that was possible, as I said _Clare._ "What're you talking about, Eli?" _Damn it._ I sighed turning around to face Clare.

"Umm, you know, I was just talking to Adam about-" Adam had cut me off. "Oh, Clare, he was just talking about the project for English, you know? It's boys with boys and girls with girls." She glanced towards the floor, and I could feel myself sink. Did Clare like me? She nodded, smiled, and walked away towards homeroom.

I slammed myself against the lockers and sighed as I sank to the floor. Adam sat down next to me seeing as we had about 5 minutes until homeroom.

"I owe you, Adam. Thank you, man." He sighed, and I looked at my best friend.

"No problem, Eli, but what do you need to tell me? We can talk about it after school if you want." I nodded and smiled at him.

"Sounds good, Adam, but seriously, I owe you. Anytime you need something, just ask, okay?" He smiled and then smirked at me.

"Good to know… I'll keep that in mind, Eli." I rolled my eyes, regretting my proposition to him, but he was my best friend. Even though I didn't deserve him, I realized if I couldn't tell him, then there was no way I could tell Clare.

I sighed walking into homeroom. Today was going to be an extremely long day.


	2. Cheatercheaterbestfriendeater

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and story alerts! I opened my email last night and had a bunch of emails from fanfiction which made my night after I had stayed up extremely late writing my English essay on _A Separate Peace. _This is my escape from all that boring homework my teachers are giving me before break! Anyways... I'm swamped for time lately, so I won't update until I get 5 reviews! That's not too hard... and if you have any ideas, please send them to me as a review. Thank you for reading my bizarre rant!

I do not in any way, shape, or form own Degrassi, unfortunately. :( I'm just a crazy and obsessed fan! haha

ENJOY! :)

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I didn't pay attention to school the rest of the day, even those welcoming blue eyes couldn't bring me back to reality. Telling Adam my secret wouldn't exactly be the easiest thing to do, but if he could tell me he was a transgender, then I should be able to tell him about my _past._ It's not like it's that scary… It's just disturbing. Someone my age shouldn't have to deal with this kind of guilt, well, no one should deal with this guilt. _**Ever**_.

After the final bell, I walked back to my locker in a daze. _What if I can't bring myself to tell him? _That question had been lingering in my mind throughout the day. Once I grabbed a notebook to bring home, I walked outside to Morty to find Adam sitting on his roof, smiling while talking to the famous _Fiona Coyne_. Lately I had noticed him spending a lot of time with her. Obviously she didn't know about his, well, situation, but something told me she wouldn't mind it.

Fiona had left the scene before I could reach them, but Adam still contained a lingering smile on his face as she walked towards her limo. I sighed, shaking my head.

"Oh, Adam… You and Ms. Coyne?" His cheeks turned bright pink as I mentioned her name. He was falling for her, and I was happy for him. At least _someone _in our friendship could be happy.

"Yeah right. Like that'll ever happen. I doubt she think I'm merely more than a friend. She's too good for me. You ready to go?"

"Hey, dude, no one's too good for my best friend, and if she doesn't think you're good enough, then screw her!" We both began to laugh.

"Thanks, Eli, but something tells me that she's not just _some _girl, you know?" I nodded and took the driver's seat. We traveled back to his house, listening to Dead Hand. As I drove, I felt myself gripping the wheel tighter and tighter as we got closer to his house. I was nervous. The only time I had been nervous lately had always occurred when I was near _Clare. _I smacked the steering wheel, causing it to release a loud honking noise.

"What the hell, dude?" My eyes widened. I shouldn't tell him at his house. I should bring him to the spot where _it _happened. Thoughts ran nervously through my mind as we sat in his driveway?

"Eli? Are you okay? We should just head inside and play some video games. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's okay with me." He gave me a reassuring smile. It wasn't fair that he didn't know. I let out a huge sigh.

"Adam, you need to see something. I don't just want to tell you. I _need _to tell you. It's not fair that you tell me your secret, and I don't even tell you my story." A worried look crossed his face as he fixed his beanie.

We drove in silence to the _spot_. It was about a half hour away from Degrassi, and suddenly all the emotions came crashing down on me. I pulled to the side of the road and tried to figure out how to start. I played with my fingers until I let it all come out.

"Last year, I had a girlfriend, Julia." My voice began to tremble as I spoke her name. "She was perfect, my soul mate to be exact, well, at least I thought she was. We started going out at the end of grade 9 and continued the relationship through grade 10. Julia was, she was just like me. She loved Dead Hand, and we were best friends. I couldn't go a day without seeing her. She made me so _happy_." I paused, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. I felt Adam's eyes on me.

"We had our occasional fights, you know, I wasn't spending enough time on my studies or she was looking at other guys. Every time we would get back together instantaneously, but then _that _night was different. She wanted to go to a party, but I didn't. I was never really into high school parties, but she wanted to spend time with some of her girlfriends. I obviously wasn't happy about it, and we fought about it because this guy, _Alex, _had been flirting with her. The party was at his house, and I continuously asked her to not go. He and I weren't exactly on the best terms, but I had been ignoring him because Julia had asked me to. I'd do anything for her because she was just so special to me. She just wouldn't listen to me and went to the party even though I asked her not to. We fought, and it got really ugly. I said some things I shouldn't have, and then she took off on her bike in the middle of the night-" I stopped. This part was still hard to comprehend. Adam put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.

"I spent the night by myself, listening to music and playing video games. I tried to call her but no answer. Then around one a. m. I received a phone call from a weird number. I answered, and a cop was on the other line, saying he was at a car crash and-" I took another pause, letting the words sink in. I hadn't talked about Julia in such a long time.

"I **never **thought that me yelling at her would be the last words I said to Julia." I couldn't even say the words. I broke down and cried right in front of Adam. I was tired of holding it in. Now he knew that I was broken.

"Eli, what happened to Julia?" I looked into his eyes and bit my tongue.

"I killed her." His jaw dropped, and I leaned my head on the steering wheel. I turned my head, seeing him try to find words to say.

"Eli, you didn't kill her. It was an _accident._ If Julia really loved you, then she'd want you to move on." I shook my head. I couldn't do that to her. It wasn't fair. I didn't deserve to be happy.

"_I _caused the accident. If I wouldn't have been such a dumbass, then Julia wouldn't have died!" I screamed. Julia was _dead_. I felt the tears start to fall again. Adam probably thought I was such a wuss. I massaged my temples, trying to regain my composure.

"I know you may think this is cliché, Eli, but have you ever heard of the saying everything happens for a reason?" I nodded, Julia always used to say that. "Well, maybe Julia died because you were supposed to meet Clare." _Clare. _For the past hour I had completely forgotten about her. How could I ever even begin to tell her this? I rubbed my eyes. I was a complete mess.

"So, do you think I'm a monster?" He began to laugh. I squinted at him. _This was not a laughing matter. _

"Eli, you're definitely not a monster. We're just a bunch of… a bunch of misfits." I cracked a smirk. _Misfits. _It worked. A transgender and gothic mess tackling the world. Misfits was perfect.

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What did you guys think? I'm going to write it with my own ideas as well as the show's ideas...

Please review for me! I'll give you a shout-out in the next chapter!

P.S. do you want a slow lead-up to eclare or quick?


	3. Heregoesnothin

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **So... I said I would wait for 5 reviews, but I wanted to put this up before I start getting to that eclare goodnes we all know and love. ;) As long as I get like 2 reviews for this chapter I'll continue the story. As for EClare4Ever393, I just felt like I needed to get this friendship set before I start the romance, and thank you for all the reviews! Just having these few reviews make me smile and want to continue to write.  
Sorry for boring you all with my author's note. I just wanted to express some of the reason for this chapter..  
Anyways... thanks for reading and please enjoy!

READ ON :)

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After dropping Adam off, I drove Morty in the direction of my home. I pulled into the driveway and noticed CeCe in the kitchen through the window as I walked toward the door. She smiled as I walked inside and sat at the island.

"Hey, baby boy! What's wrong? You look sick, honey.." She walked around the table feeling my forehead with the back of her hand. Although CeCe wasn't the most conventional mother in the world, she still managed to use her motherly instincts whenever I wasn't myself.

"I'm fine, Mom. I just told Adam about Julia." Her mouth formed an O-shape. She nodded understanding my difficulty with the situation.

"And?" She always was looking for an answer.

"He was okay with it, seeing as though we both have problems in our lives. He's a good guy, Mom. I'm lucky to have him as a friend." She smiled and squeezed me into a hug. At first I shyed away, but then I eventually gave into her bear hug. There was no getting out of a hug from CeCe.

"Well, he's lucky that you opened up to him, baby boy. I know it's hard for you to talk about Julia. She was such a big part of your life." I sighed into my mother's shoulder. The news was finally setting in that Julia was gone. She wasn't coming back, and to be honest, I was scared shitless.

After my heart-to-heart with CeCe, I walked up to my room, unlocking the lock to open the door to the other baggage I contained. I seemed to have forgotten to mention to Adam that my room was a bit of a mess. Actually, mess is an understatement.

I had a problem, and there was no denying it. Ever since her death, I couldn't bring myself to throw anything out. And by anything, I **meant **everything. My room looked as though a tornado had occurred, and everything from the whole town had ended up in my room. From popcorn containers to Julia's pillow to my collection of comic books, if you were looking for something, you could probably find it in my room.

I knew Adam was skeptical of it whenever he would come over to play video games. Each time I would bring him straight to the basement, but he rarely mentioned not seeing my bedroom. If Adam knew about Julia, then he had to know about this. Like I said before, it just wasn't fair to him.

I called him later that night, seeing it was Friday night. Boys' weekend was tradition since the second week of school. Whether we were going to a movie or playing video games, my Friday nights were spent with my best friend. There were few times where I felt like my life was normal: spending time with Adam, going to Dead Hand concerts with Bullfrog, and lastly, Clare, in general.

Whether I was in English class with her or drinking a smoothie at the Dot, those times with Clare made me believe that I could live happily.

But the days after meeting Clare had brought along another problem, the dreams. I rarely remembered my dreams, but lately as my thoughts seemed to be consumed with thoughts of the blue-eyed beauty, _Julia _had appeared. At first, she would make rare appearances, hiding behind trees or sitting in the back of one of my classes, during my dreams.

_Dream Sequence:_

Two months into school, Julia had spoken to me. I was dreaming about English class, none-the-less. I had been thinking about the essay Clare had written about her parents. She had finally opened up to me about her life. But to tell you the truth, my mind was truly focused on the scene where Clare had pinned me up to the streetlight, and I had caught her wrists. If she hadn't have pulled on her wrists, I was sure I would've kissed her.

As Clare sat on the bench, I smirked at her, knowing how close we had been. She smiled shyly, and I watched as a pink blush crept up her neck. She was just so adorable, and I just can't stand it. Julia peeked out from behind the streetlight and whispered in my ear.

"_She's pretty, Eli, baby. I see the way she makes you feel, and to be honest, it scares me, Eli. You think she can replace me? Is she that amazing that you feel the need to just forget about me? I can tell she likes you, too." _I watched as Julia looked at the floor; she always did that when she was nervous or jealous. I wasn't replacing her, at least not yet.

Before I could answer her, Julia faded away, and I woke up as I heard my alarm clock beeping. I let out a huge sigh as I pressed the off button. Usually I would've hit the snooze button, but I wasn't ready to see Julia again. I felt as though she would haunt me as I began to grow closer to Clare.

_End Dream_

That had been about a month ago. Each night, I would see Julia, and she had started to notice that there was no denying my feelings toward Clare. She wasn't exactly happy about it, but eventually she realized that I couldn't live my life in the past. She was gone, at least I thought so.

I paced back and forth in the foyer as I waited impatiently for Adam to arrive. As soon as I heard his car door slam, I opened the door to find my wide-eyed best friend walking through the grass to the door. I waved his mom off and closed the door after Adam walked inside.

"Hey, dude! What's on the agenda tonight?" He questioned me as I walked upstairs without saying a word. I didn't know how to explain it, so I figured showing him would be the best thing.

"There's something I need to show you, Adam. It's part of my problem, my past. There's more to this than the dead girlfriend." I furiously unlocked the combo and opened the door to my room, the place where I escaped.

The look on Adam's face looked scared, shocked to be exact. I watched as he searched for the right words to say, but nothing came out.

"I told you I was a mess, Adam."

"Eli, I just don't know what to say. I just-" I cut him off with, "I get it Adam; I've got too much baggage to handle. I get it if you can't handle being friends with me. I figured you should know because sooner or later it would've came out." I turned around and walked toward the stairs when I felt Adam's grab reach my shoulder.

"Dude, if you think I'm just going to run away because you're messy, then you obviously don't know anything about me." He smiled and gave me a "bro-huge." It was short, but so much weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

We played a few video games before Adam's mother called him to come home. It may have been somewhat awkward, but something told me that Adam wasn't the only person that could help me get over my fears.

* * *

So? What'd you guys think? Should I continue to have Julia keep her eye and Clare and Eli's relationship or should I just keep her out?

Help me out with some reviews, story-alerts, or favorites!

Thanks for reading, loves! 333


	4. I Just Laugh

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Thank you everybody for all the author-alerts, story-alert, favorites, and reviews. I love opening my e-mail to find new e-mails from fanfiction! :) Anyways... sorry for taking so long to write this chapter. I've been busy with Christmas decorations and wrapping presents for the fam. So... I've been using some of my own ideas and the show's ideas for this story. What do you guys think? Should I do a little bit of both or just my own ideas or just the show's ideas? I really do appreciate your opinions, so tell me what you think!

Sorry for my rambling... haha.. so, umm, on another note, if any of you have twitter, follow me at vballbabii3 or if you have youtube subscribe or be my friend at volleyjennawick

If you tell me that you followed me, I'll follow back! :)

Back to the story... ENJOY!

I do not own Degrassi, if I did I wouldn't be at home with my laptop, writing my lame-ass ideas on fanfiction. (No offense intended. I love this site!)

****

**READ ON! :D**

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"Do you seriously think I'm just going to forget about you liking Clare? Everyone else may pity you for Julia's death, but that not me, dude" Adam said to me as we sat in the hallway during our free period. I sat wide-eyed at my so-called best friend.

"What the fuck, Adam?"

"Dude, it's not fair to you or her. It's so obvious whenever you're around each other. She deserves to know, Eli. I'm just doing this because I care." I thought about what Adam had said. She did deserve to know, but the problem wasn't admitting that she needed to know. It was actually telling Clare that I dreaded most.

"You think I don't know what I'm doing to her? I'm trying to distance myself, I really am. I've been mean to her, and if you don't think it kills me inside, then you're absolutely wrong, Adam. Whenever I'm around her, all I can think about is kissing her. Besides you, she's been the best thing that has happened to me in a while." I let out a deep sigh as I felt Adam's eyes on me.

"Eli, I didn't-"

"Hold on, Adam. Let me finish. I want to tell her, so then maybe, if there's something between, we could see where it goes. But, I'm not going to rush into things. I need time." He gave me a reassuring smile.

"Dude, obviously there's something there between you and Clare, but I respect you, so I won't push it. Anyways, you should tell her, but I'm not pushing it or anything." I was about to make some witty remark when I saw Clare walking towards me with a determined look on her face.

"Where have you been? I've been searching all over for you to give you back your essay. You know if you're not going to be nice to me, the least you could do is meet me when I ask you to." Oh. Shit. I had completely forgotten to meet Clare in the library.

"Look, Clare, I'm sorry that I didn't meet you before. It completely slipped from my mind. I've had a lot to think-" She cut me off.

"Honestly, Eli, I don't care. Here's your essay. Where did you put mine? Is it in that mess you call your locker? Because if it is, then just forget it. I'll edit it myself, so you don't have to go through the trouble of criticizing my essay." The look in her eyes scared me. I didn't think it was possible that Clare could actually be mad at me for forgetting to meet her. Obviously something else was going on, which made me quite curious.

"Actually, Clare, it's in Morty. I seemed to have forgotten it there. Do you want to go get it with me during lunch? It'll be quick, and you'll get your pressure paper back." I couldn't help but play with her a little bit. It was all too easy for me. I added my signature smirk, trying to receive some emotion from my blue-eyed beauty. _Nothing. _Something was seriously wrong with Clare, and I couldn't help but be worried.

"Whatever, Eli. If you really need me to walk to Morty with you, then fine." She walked past me, brushing her shoulder against mine. I felt my stomach do a quick back flip as her auburn curls bounced while she walked towards the doors.

"It's now or never." I flipped my bangs out of my face, as Adam grabbed my shoulder.

"Dude, it's **now**. Don't even think about pushing this off any longer." I knew his insistence was for my well-being, but it scared me knowing that Clare may not talk to me after telling her. And the thought of never talking to Clare again scared the shit out of me. Even if the only words I got from her were rude remarks or witty banter, then I'd live with that. I wasn't ready to let another girl out of my life. I wasn't letting this one get away; she was all to special to me.

* * *

I watched as she sat impatiently on Morty's roof while I searched frantically for her essay. After locating the essay, I started to pass it to her, but she ripped it out of my hands. Clare began to walk away without saying a single word.

"That's it? Clare, what the hell is wrong? I don't even get a thank you?" She stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the parking lot. Clare began to shake her head as I walked towards her after locking Morty up.

"Really, Eli? You want a thank you? Well, THANK YOU. Seriously, Eli, thank you, thank you for making me feel like a piece of dirt. Thank you for giving me all these mixed signals. Thank you for making me question my sanity. You make me crazy, Eli. Ever since that day where you ran over my glasses, I haven't been able to think straight. It's not fair the way you treat me. I realize that Adam and you are close, but I thought that maybe, just maybe you'd be willing to open up to me. I don't know what else to do. You scare me, Eli. I've never felt this way before, and it sucks." I laughed at her choice of words, not thinking it through.

"So, now you're gonna laugh at me?" I looked into her crystal blue eyes and watched tear drops fall down her cheeks. _I _had made Clare cry. I was an asshole. I didn't deserve this girl, but at that moment, I realized I had to tell her.

"Clare, I think it's time we went for a drive. I need to show you something, but you need to know that I'd never laugh at you, especially when you're sad." I stepped forward, wiping a tear from her cheek. As I touched her cheek, I watched the light shade of pink come to surface on her cheeks. I smirked, knowing I still had that effect on her.

"Okay." That one word answer would bring us closer than ever.

* * *

I drove Clare to the same place I brought Adam. The place where Julia had died. As I told Clare the horrifying details of my past, she held my hand and squeezed it whenever I felt nervous. Before telling Clare, I believed that she would never want to talk to me again. Boy, was I wrong.

Once I was finished, Clare pulled me into a hug. No words were exchanged, but the silence was enough to realize that Clare and I couldn't just be friends. There was too much sexual tension and chemistry. As the thoughts escaped from my mind, I heard _her _voice again.

"_Eli… just because she can't hear your thoughts, doesn't mean that I can't hear what you're thinking. As much as I hate to see the way you two look at each other, if she can accept our past, then maybe she disn't that bad after all. If she makes you happy, then I guess I can let you go, honey. Please don't lose her, though. She's too naïve, Eli. Baby, she's delicate, and you're going to have to open up to her about everything. _

Her voice gave me the chills. But for once, I knew that Julia was telling the truth. She really did want me to be happy. As Clare continued to hug me I smiled, knowing I was finally letting Julia go. _At least I thought I was. _

"Eli, I really am sorry. I didn't think that… Oh, Eli, I've been so rude to you about anything and everything. I hope you'll forgive me." Her eyes met mine, and I smiled, not a smirk, a smile.

"Clare, if anybody should be apologizing, it should be me. I was such an asshole, oh sorry, I was such a dirt bag.. Haha… I was afraid that you wouldn't talk to me if I told you about her." I looked down at my hands, not knowing what else to say.

"Well, I still would've had to talk to you in English, seeing as you're still my English partner. But, I don't think I could've have gone too long without hearing one of your witty remarks." She giggled, and I couldn't help but crack up a little. She was just too cute.

"So… I'm witty?" I smirked at the blue-eyed beauty.

"Could you be more smug? Seriously, Eli, that smirk is getting old." She tried to keep a serious face, but I continued to smirk. I wasn't letting her win this one. Eventually she gave in to me.

"Still think my smirk is getting old?" I raised my eyebrow, questioning her.

"Just shut up and drive the car, Goldsworthy."

"Whatever you say, Clare." I gave her one last smirk, which resulted in her punching my shoulder. But it didn't matter because it was the start of something special. Something special that involved a blue-eyed beauty, who wasn't exactly as perfect as I imagined her to be.

But nobody was perfect, as I had learned from the past. We were all just misfits trying to be part of this crazy world we called home.

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SO? What'd you think? Tell me! Please be honest... But thanks for reading!

The next update should be within the next couple of days, hopefully I won't have too much homework. Why do all these teachers feel the need to load us with homework before the holidays? It's ridic! Ugh there I go ranting again...

Thank you for reading! Much love to all who take the time out to read my story! Even more love to the people who comment. :)


	5. Did It Hurt?

Hey everybody! I know it's been a while since I last updated, but I've been studying for school stuff and my permit. Thanks for being patient with me. I'm not too happy with this chapter, but it's whatever. Somebody's bound to like it! :) Anyways I won't blab too long. i only have a few quesitons, which will be displayed at the end. Here's the next chapter!

READ ON! ;)

* * *

So, I know what everyone's thinking. You all want Clare and me to magically get together the next day, but this is reality: unfortunately, it never happens that quickly. Clare and I were meant to be more than friends whether she knew it or not. After accepting me for who I am, I realized it was my destiny to show her we were supposed to be together.

But being as stubborn as she is, Clare complicated the situation. Well, it wasn't necessarily Clare that made our situation a little bit difficult, it was _him. _He didn't deserve a name, but if you must know, it's Fitz. Before yesterday, I had never spoken a single word to the asshole, but now, I felt the need to tell the boy a few choice words. I wasn't letting him hurt _my _Clare.

So, I'm guessing you're wondering how little miss Clare ended up going on a date with Fitzy? Yeah, I'm still wondering, too. That's how I left it with Clare after she told me, well Adam told me. She didn't even have the courage to tell me that she was going on a date. I couldn't help but be disappointed. _I _was supposed to be the one Clare was dating, not this _Fitz _guy. What did he have that I didn't? Obviously, he must be more grounded than me, but still, it wasn't the looks. I was far more attractive than that baboon. Strike one. It wasn't his listening skills because during lunch he spent the whole period staring at Clare's chest. Strike two.

And strike three? He wasn't me. I sighed while sitting in my third period anatomy class. We had a substitute who clearly didn't know what he was supposed to hand us, so I sat in the class thinking about Clare _again. _

I figured Clare would've realized I wanted to be with her. I may take things slowly, but with her wearing that Jesus necklace, I didn't think she would want to take things too fast either. Clearly, I had too much baggage for Clare, but one date with another guy wasn't going to stop me from getting Clare. I liked her, but I needed a little more time before anything happened between us.

Once the class was over, I met Adam in the library for my free period. He sat with a puzzled look on his face with an open AP Euro book in front of him.

"Don't think too hard; you might hurt yourself." I chuckled. He gave me an angry face.

"Well, clearly I am not going to study this right now. Why so happy? I figured you would be upset over Clare's date with the retard."

"Thanks for reminding me. I'm kidding. Well, you know, obviously I'm not happy with her choice, but if it makes her happy, then I'm happy." He shook his head.

"I wish your face agreed with what you just said, Eli. Just tell her that you don't want her to go on a date with him." If only it was that easy, Adam. He didn't understand where I was coming from; most people didn't know what it felt like to lose a loved one.

"And then what? She'll ask why; she always does. Saying Fitz is a bad guy isn't going to scare Clare. You and I both know that."

"So, just tell her you like her."

"You don't think that I want to do that? I wish that I could just forget about everything that's happening and focus on her, but I can't. It's my past, and it makes me who I am. I'm happy for Clare, I really am."

"Whatever you say, Eli." We didn't talk the rest of the period. I knew Adam meant well. I hated putting him in the middle of Clare and me; it just wasn't fair.

* * *

"Hey, English partner." I felt Clare's breath against my neck. I couldn't help but shudder with her lips that close to my ear. She made my body do crazy things. _If only she knew what she did to me._

"Trying to get a whiff of me? I know I smell good, Edwards." I watched as a light shade of pink came across her cheeks. She looked down for a quick second, but eventually brought her blue eyes to mine. I wasn't going to break the contact, but a certain someone interrupted us.

"Hey, Clare." I shivered at the sound of his voice. _Fitz. _It was just so disturbing. I watched his lips curl into a creepy smile after saying her name. I could tell by the way he was looking at her that he was up to no good.

"Hi, Mark!" She squealed as she hugged him. He smirked at me, knowing this was torturing me. I looked away, searching for Adam. But to my dismay, he was talking to some girl. _Good for him. _At least Adam could be happy.

I ignored their conversation and giggling, but I did notice that after Fitz left, Clare had the same blush covering her cheeks that only usually occurred after I spoke with her. She looked nervous.

"Clare, speak. You look like you have something to say." She continued to look at her feet. She wasn't getting off that easily. I stared at her, but she wouldn't look up. I slowly brought my hand to her chin, lifting her chin, so I could stare into her beautiful eyes. I gulped. _She was so goddamn beautiful. _

"He's not that bad, Eli. He's really sweet, and I, well I, umm.. I really like him." Those last few words broke my heart. I actually felt it break. But there was something she wasn't telling me because her eyes could not lie. If Clare liked him, then somehow, I was going to have to figure out a way to like the bastard, too. I wasn't going to give up. Eli Goldsworthy is no quitter.

"If you say that he's a good guy, then I believe you, Edwards." I hated lying to her. Whenever she looked at me with those big blue eyes, I felt as though I was being tortured. It was as if she knew I was lying to her. I wanted to believe her, I truly did, but it was Fitz for god sakes.

Ever since Julia died, I began to read people. It wasn't like a sixth sense or any nonsense like that. I could just read people. I didn't know everything about them, but I could get a feeling about that certain person. I never judged anyone. It's not nice to judge a book by its cover. For instance, look at me. I wear dark clothes, yet I'm one of the nicest people out there, not that I'd ever admit to that.

* * *

"Okay, everyone, I would like you to get with your writing partner and talk about the upcoming assignment. You will need to create some form of writing describing an emotion. It could be a poem, essay, screenplay, et cetera." Groans escaped from some of the students sitting around me. I smirked, immediately knowing what I wanted to write about.

Love.

I couldn't decide what to write about though. Should I write about Julia? Family? Or possibly whatever's been brewing between Clare and I? If I wrote about Clare, I'd have to keep the girl anonymous, seeing as she would be editing my work. But something inside of me wanted to write a letter to Clare. Ever since telling her about Julia, I realized I couldn't keep anything a secret anymore. She had seen my room and had offered to help me clean it.

Even if she was going on a date with Fitz, it didn't mean that she didn't like me, too, right? She had been driving me crazy. I couldn't take much more of her talking about him. I was almost-

"ELI? Hello? Anybody in there?" She began to talk as she waved her hands in front of my face. I had been zoning out yet again.

"Oh, yeah, um sorry, Clare. I was just thinking about the assignment. What are you going to write about? Your new lover boy, Fitzy?" I couldn't help but be jealous of the guy. He _was _the one who got to date Clare.

"You know if you weren't crazy I'd think you were jealous, Eli." She raised her eyebrow, questioning me. She was onto me.

"You're nuts, Edwards." She laughed. I watched as her blue eyes sparkled and couldn't help but want to kiss her. I was torturing myself.

"So, what's your emotion? I was thinking about writing a screen play about friendship, but I'm not really sure." I gave her my full attention as she spoke, taking in every word she said.

"Well, I'm going to write about love." She perked up when I said _love._ Her blue eyes widened, but she didn't look at me. Something was up. I began to open my mouth, but she spoke first.

"_Julia, _right?" Clare gave a depressing emphasis on her name.

"Actually, I was thinking of writing a letter to someone I love. Clare?" I watched as a tear rolled down her cheek. She was upset? I should just tell her that it's her. Everything about her made me happy. _She _is the person I love.

"You know Eli, I have to go. I need to-" She began to walk away without finishing her sentence, but I wasn't letting her get away that easily. I couldn't let her be sad; I wanted to be the person that made her happy, not upset.

"Clare! Wait up!" I ran after her in the hallway and grabbed her elbow. Her face was red with a trail of tears running down her cheeks. Her blue eyes had become puffy, yet I still found her beautiful.

"Eli, just leave me alone. I don't need you." I thought about what to say, but I didn't know if I was ready.

"Well, that's too bad because I need you. Clare, you're the only person that makes me feel alive. Before I met you, I was dead inside. I never thought that I would fall in love because I thought what Julia and I had was perfect. Little did I know that I'd meet you and fall for you. It scares me so fucking much, Clare. Whenever you're sad, I'm upset, and when you smile, I can't help but be happy. I know that I'm not exactly supportive of how you feel about Fitz, but you were right when you thought I was jealous. He doesn't deserve you, but neither do I." Her eyes were locked on mine as I spoke the truth. My voice quivered as I told her everything. This girl scared me more than I thought was possible.

She didn't say anything for a while. _She didn't care about me. _Fuck. I screwed up big time. The silence was worse than talking. I watched as she backed up against a locker and slid to the floor.

"You, you lo-love me?" She choked out the words. I sat down next to her. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I do, more than anything in the world." I looked into her eyes, searching for some sort of feeling. Obviously, she didn't feel it.

"Eli, I… I don't know what to say." I stood up, not wanting to hear anything else.

"Wait," She grabbed my hand, sending a bunch of butterflies into my stomach. "I care about you. A lot. But I like Mark, too, and I can't just blow him off, you know?" I nodded, knowing she wasn't choosing me.

"So, you like him more?" I had to ask. I needed to know the truth.

"I never said that, Eli. I just, I've had this crush on him forever, but then you come along and run over my glasses. I'm confused, Eli. Maybe I can go on a date with him, then one with you." I began to shake my head. I wanted all or nothing.

"No. Clare, you and I both know that that's not fair to me or him. I'll give you time, but we better get back to class." I was still in shock. How could she choose him over me? I was going to make it my goal to prove I was better. I didn't care how long it took because Clare and I were meant to be.

* * *

Little did I know that Clare and Fitz were going to be dating for more than a few dates. It had been three months, and they were still dating. He would always hold her hand and kiss her in front of me. Some days I couldn't take it, and I would walk away from lunch. Adam would always cover for me.

I figured Clare would've apologized to me. We were never the same after I told her how I felt. Adam always tried to tell me she was just being dumb, but I knew that wasn't the case. She broke my heart.

I had tried to date other girls, but it didn't matter. I would always compare the others to Clare, and none of them would stand a chance.

After Adam had started to date Fiona Coyne, I became somewhat of a loner. I focused on my schoolwork, realizing I'd be going to university in two years. I needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

Adam and I hung out every once in a while, but usually, Fiona would call, ending our fun. She was a great girl, and I was glad that Adam and her were together. I was just upset. I needed to get over Clare, but it was no use. I would always be in love with Clare Edwards.

* * *

So? What did everybody think? I've been thinking about a few things...

1) Does anybody know the significance to the song titles? (meaning a band :) or why the chapters are what they are?)

2) Should I write about the Clare/Fitz interaction?

3) Should I write a chapter in Clare's POV? It's going to happen sooner or later...

4) Does anybody have a clue to why Clare is with Fitz instead of our beautiful Mr. Goldsworthy? :)

5) PS. If you have any ideas, PM me or leave a review.

I don't know when I'll update because I'll be away until next Tuesday. Also, my birthday is coming up! Yay! haha I'll definitely update before my birthday, but it'll probs be next Wednesday or Thursday!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

thanks for reading and leave a comment!


	6. I Love You 5

HEY EVERYBODY! I'm sorry it took me so long to write this chapter. I've been busy with the holidays. I got a NOOK! :) How was everyone's Christmas or Kwanza? Or in that case Hanukah? This chapter is kind of short, but I'm getting back into the swing of things slowly. And if there are any missing n's it's because my laptop is being retarded. Thanks for the reviews! Last time I checked, this story had 700 views! It made my day! haha I promise to update maybe again today or tomorrow... PS my birthday is on Saturday! I'm soooo excited! haha yeah I'm a New Year's baby...

Anyways... here's the next chapter! I hope it satisfies your liking... if that made any sense... I've been crazy lately. :P

**READ ON**

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* * *

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"You look like you're up to something." Adam had been questioning me all day long. I had a plan, you see. I was going to show Clare that if we weren't together, then I would be her friend. I couldn't keep myself from her any longer. If I was going to stay here and go to Degrassi, then I might as well get close to her because I see her every _fucking _day.

My eyes had traveled to a sore spot. Clare and Fitz were sitting at a picnic table kissing. It disgusted me to see him with his arms around _my _Clare. His hands running through her curls. _That is supposed to be me. _

She knew everything about me, too. She knew that the thought of her with another guy was killing me. She knew I was troubled, well I had a troubled past.

"I'm just thinking about something." He began to chuckle. I shook my head. He was such a weird kid, but we were both different. That's why we we're friends.

"Meaning you're thinking about Clare." I looked at him and nodded. He knew me all too well.

"I just don't get how she could be dating him. He used to pick on you. He's an asshole, and-" Adam cut me off.

"He's not you." Adam saw it, too, meaning I wasn't crazy. Clare and I were meant to be.

"So… I'm not crazy? This fucking sucks. I honestly thought coming to Degrassi would change me, you know? I'd leave all the drama behind, but I was so fucking wrong." Fitz had stopped sticking his tongue down Clare's throat, and they were making their way over to us.

Right as Adam was about to say something I nudged him, causing him to fall off the bench. I mouthed sorry to him, but I couldn't help that something was off about Clare. Her eyes were cold, and her smile was gone. Yet, I still thought she was the prettiest girl in the whole school.

"Hey, Adam! Eli," She nodded, but she refused to look me in the eyes.

"Do you boys think you could keep an eye on Clare while I go to basketball practice?" I knew that the only way to get Clare back was to be nice to Fitz. It was killing me inside, but I had to if I wanted to win Clare over.

"Sure thing, _Mark._" The words tasted stale on my tongue. I had to spit the words out, but it worked. Finally Clare looked at me and brought a smile to her face.

Mark kissed her in front of us and ran towards KC and Drew. I still wondered what she saw in him.

"Well, Edwards, are you going to sit down or just stand there looking pretty?" I couldn't help but flirt a little. Adam rolled his eyes as he made his way back to sitting on the top of the table.

A blush crept up Clare's face as she sat across from me. Her eyes were still cold, and it saddened me. Her eyes were one of the things about her that made her Clare.

"I see you're still your flirty self, Eli." I caught her eyes for a second before she turned to Adam. "How's Fiona?" Adam smiled and went on about her going to New York for the weekend and whatnot. My mid drifted back to the day where Clare and I skipped class together.

I had been so close to kissing her, but then Julia had appeared. As I thought about Clare more and more, I felt someone behind me.

A cold hand touched my shoulder. _Julia. _I was beginning to think she was gone, but once again, I was wrong.

_Eli, baby, why don't you just give it up? It's obvious she doesn't care about you. If she did, then she wouldn't be dating Fitzy. _I shuddered at the sound of her voice. I shook my head and stood up, shaking the thought of Julia away.

"Eli, are you okay?" Clare looked worriedly at me.

"Oh yeah. I'm just dandy, Clare. Do you two need rides home? I think I'm going back home. I'm kinda tired." I lied through me teeth, but I needed to get out of here.

"Umm, yeah, that sounds good." Adam nodded, and we all made our way to Morty.

* * *

I blasted Dead Hand and dropped Adam off first. As I turned to go to Clare's house, she stopped me.

"I don't want to go home, Eli." It could be dangerous if I was alone with Clare, but I was willing to take the chance.

"Ok." I turned Morty around and drove to my house. CeCe would be happy, seeing Clare again. I just hoped she wouldn't get the wrong idea.

When we arrived at my house, no one was home. I hesitated not knowing where to bring Clare. I closed the door behind her, and she walked up the stairs, making her way to my bedroom.

I had removed the lock from my door about a month ago. I watched as she turned the door handle. As she stepped inside, her eyes lit up.

I hadn't changed my room too much. I had gotten rid of a lot of stuff much to my dismay. You could walk inside my room without stepping on anything.

My concert posters were hanging on the walls, but something new was next to my desk. CeCe had bought me one of those corkboards, and I had taken my newfound freedom to post my essays, journals, and anything else I wrote.

I hadn't really thought about it until she walked over there. Most of the stuff was about music or friends, but in the corner my letter to Julia was sticking out. Clare unpinned it and took it to read on my bed.

_ELI'S LETTER TO JULIA_

_Dear Julia,_

_Before I came to Degrassi I felt as though I would never be able to love again. I always thought that we were meant to be, and nobody would make me feel the way you made me feel. The day you died, a part of me died, too._

_We were in love, but we were also young, not knowing a whole lot about life. The nights we spent together will always be in my heart, but I need to let you go. You need to let me go, too. Haunting my dreams and thoughts every day and night will not change the way I feel about Clare. __As much as you tell me that Clare doesn't care, it doesn't matter because you're not here anymore. It kills me to say that you're gone, but I need to say it. __Please know that I will always love you. As I clean up my life and room, you will always be in the back of my mind. Don't ever think that I am trying to replace you because that could never happen._

_You would never admit it, but I know you had feelings for Alex. It was only a matter of time before one of us made a mistake. __My mistake led to your death, and I am so sorry, Julia. I will never be able to make up for my stupidity. You always told me to live in the moment, and unfortunately, I didn't listen. Each and every day I make sure to live in the moment for you._

_That's why I need to let you go. It hurts to know that you're the past, but that's the case, my love. I've changed through the past year, but a part of you is living with me every day. __My future is part of the present, and right now I need to be with her. You would like her, too. She's funny, and her eyes sparkle when she's happy. You always said you could read a person by his or her eyes. You were right, Julia._

_Her blue eyes are something else. Just the sight of them will make my day better, and I'm going to make them mine. Eli Goldsworthy is no quitter._

_Like I said before, Julia, I love you and always will, but I've also fallen in love with a blue-eyed beauty who I plan to be with for a long time._

_Some say love is a strong word, but I love Clare Edwards._

_Goodbye, Julia._

_Yours forever, Eli_

So? What did you think? Please review, so I can write another chapter! :) Thanks for all the love!

333


	7. On the Brightside

Wow. It's been such a long time, and I'm truly sorry for that. I've been busy with the new year and school. Does anyone else feel like Winter Break went by way toooo fast? All of a sudden I was sitting in my first period Chem class wondering what the hell I was learning... haha Anyways thanks for putting up with my lazyness and busy schedule. I'm not going to make a hude promise for whe I'll update again, but it'll happen sometime in the near future.

Shout-out to NessaSaysHello b/c she figured out the titles! Thanks for answering my crazy little rant. I love nevershoutnever! :) much love to this girl... she's got great taste in music!

another shout-out to MadameDegrassi354 b/c she seems to review after each chapter! thanks honey for taking your time to review my fanfic it means a lot to me. :)

Okay, my ranting is done for this story.

I do not in any way, shape, or form own Degrassi.

READ ON :)

* * *

"Eli?" Clare looked at me with those big blue eyes. I could see the tears that she was trying to hold back. She didn't need to hide her feelings from me.

"Yeah?" I waited for her reply. She shuffled back and forth while staring down at her boots. I was so fucking scared of what she might say. My mind was racing as she continued the silence. _Fuck. _

"Do you think you could give me two weeks? Please don't ask any questions; just give me two weeks, okay?"

"Two weeks? For what?"

"No questions, Eli." She was firm, but she smirked at me. I couldn't help but want to run over to her and kiss those lips. She was using my weapon of defense, and she knew what it did to me.

"That's not exactly fair, Edwards." I smirked, watching her cheeks become a shade a rose.

"Well, Eli, life's not fair." She bit her lip, knowing those words were like a punch in the stomach. "Two weeks, okay?" I still was unsure of what she was talking about, and it frustrated me to no end.

"Fine, Clare. It's not like I'm waiting already or anything." I wanted to mess with her a little bit. I hadn't been able to spend time with Clare like this in a while. She blushed _again. _

"Eli, please, don't make this any harder than it already is. I get that you're upset, but-"

"No! Clare, I don't think you get it. Because if you understood how I felt, then you wouldn't be here now making me feel like a piece of shit." She stood there motionless, taking in every word I said. I felt bad for ranting on her like that, but I told her I was going to be honest with her. And well, that's pure honesty right there.

Silence.

"Eli, I was scared. One day you act like you don't care, and the next day you tell me you're in love with me. I didn't know what else to do. I've never felt like this before. It's hard to let myself be happy when everything else in my life is screwed up. My parents are getting a divorce. You hate me. Adam barely speaks to me anymore. I thought if I was with Fitz, then I might be able to fix it, but now when I think about it, it sounds extremely dumb." Clare's eyes wandered towards the floor. I couldn't help but break the silence.

"You think I wasn't scared when I told you my feelings?" She looked me in the eyes. Tears rolled down her cheeks. I took a step forward and wiped them away. I hated arguing like this with her.

She began to walk towards the door, but before she could get away, I spoke.

"But still, why'd you have to pick him, Clare? Is he really that much better than me? Can he help you more than I could?" She turned towards me, tears running down her cheeks.

"Eli," She sighed my name, and I shook my head, not wanting to hear the words that would crush me down to the floor. "it's not that simple. But don't ever think that Mark's better than you. If I said that, then I'd be lying, Eli. Like I said before, just give me two weeks." And with that, Clare walked out of my room, and I thought she was out of my life.

* * *

Once again, I was wrong. But I guess that's a good thing, right? God, I'm in love with that girl so much, but the way she toys me around, it's not fair. I can't go a single day without thinking about her. It used to be Julia haunting my dreams, and now, I dream of her and _Fitz. _

I needed a way to get her out of my mind. I was sick and tired of playing these fucking games. Obviously, she didn't want what I wanted, and if he made her happy, then I would pull myself out of her life. If she was with him, then there was no way in hell that I would torture myself any longer, but I promised her _two weeks_. After those two weeks, if she was still with him, then I was done.

The first week went by sort of quickly. Bullfrog asked me to help him out with a few things at the radio station, and it took up all my free time. I helped set up a few of the new speakers for him as he interviewed my heroes.

As I was unpacking a few boxes, I looked up to see my favorite band, Dead Hand, being interviewed by my father. It was a dream come true for me. I had seen them in concert at least 7 times already, and not this weekend, but the weekend after, they were playing at the new center downtown. Adam and I had tried for tickets, but no such luck. We were both depressed, and before I could call Adam I heard Bullfrog call my name.

I was about to introduce myself, but the band was ushered outside to their tour bus. I felt a frown come about my face as I watched my dreams fade away. Nothing seemed to go right for me lately.

"Sorry, Eli. I would've introduced you, but the band has a tight schedule this week. You know they are playing downtown, right?"

"Yeah, I think I heard about that." My sarcastic tone was noticed by Bullfrog. He smirked at me, and I gave him a puzzled look.

"You don't sound too thrilled…" I shrugged, knowing there was little he could do for me. "So, if I were to have two tickets with backstage passes to their concert this weekend, you wouldn't be interested in going? CeCe and I could go and-"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I was grinning from ear to ear. Bullfrog smiled to me while handing me the tickets and passes. I was shocked; _I guess something is working out right. _

"Thanks, Bullfrog!" I gave him a quick hug before it got too awkward.

"No problem-o, Eli! You deserve it. You've been so down lately that I figured a little Dead Hand might cheer you up. You could bring that video game kid with you." I chuckled knowing he still didn't know Adam's name.

"I think I'll do that, but I better go finish with those boxes. Thanks again." He nodded and smiled.

Maybe things are starting to look up in my life.

* * *

I wanted to call Adam and tell him about the tickets, but I felt that it would be better if I showed him the tickets in person. He probably wouldn't believe me if I told him over the phone.

By Monday morning I was getting anxious. I still thought about Clare, but at the moment, Dead Hand was on my mind. I didn't know how I was going to survive the week, knowing I'd be seeing one of the best bands ever in a matter of days.

I pulled into the parking lot before parking Morty. I tapped him good-bye and walked towards my best friend sitting on a picnic table with his girlfriend. They were talking about something, and Fiona kept blushing. Who knew Adam would be such a smooth-talker?

"Hey, Adam. Fiona. What's up?" Fiona smiled that welcoming smile that made you feel all warm inside. She was a very sociable person. Adam fist-bumped my fist before turning back to his girlfriend. They whispered something I couldn't hear, but Fiona kept looking at me suspiciously.

"Didn't you hear, Eli? Clare and Mark broke up." Fiona said smilingly to me. She wasn't a fan of him, either. I felt my jaw drop to the floor. Clare and Fitz aren't together. Clare is **single**. Then those two words kept repeating in my head: two weeks. Two weeks.

"Oh…" Adam looked confused.

"What do you mean by 'Oh'?" I hadn't realized I had said that out loud.

"That's just news to me."

"You mean she didn't tell you? I thought that you two were finally hanging out again. On Friday you two seemed okay with each other."

"Well, that's just Clare and me, you know? We're comfortable around each other. I tried to not bring up Fitz because he's not exactly my favorite subject." I smirked. Fiona and Adam laughed at me.

"Well, maybe you could bring it up now…" I was about to ask Fiona what she was talking about when I felt a soft touch upon my shoulder. I turned around to see Clare standing there wide-eyed and smiling.

I couldn't help but smile. _My _Clare was single and standing in front of me. No Fitz. I couldn't help but give an actual smile.

"Rumor has it that Clare Edwards is single. Is that true, Edwards?" She blushed. I smirked. We were back to our old ways.

"For once, a rumor is actually true." I laughed. She was just so damn cute.

"I'm still not sure what two weeks meant. It's been three days, Clare. Two weeks?" She raised her eyebrows in question.

"I guess we'll see in two weeks then, Goldsworthy." Flirty. Funny, Smart. She was perfect in my eyes, and that was all that mattered.

"I guess we will." And with that, Clare turned on her heels and walked towards the table. She grabbed Fiona by the arm and dragged her toward the school. I walked back towards Adam, shaking my head. There were just some things about girls that I would never understand.

"So, Adam, I have some news. You know that little concert we wanted to go to next weekend, but unfortunately do to the whole education-thing, neither one of us was able to call in time for the contest?" Adam nodded.

"Well, thanks to a certain disk jockey, the two of us will be going to that concert with backstage passes!" I watched as Adam's jaw dropped. He looked like a little kid in a candy shop.

"NO WAY?" I laughed as Adam jumped off the table and tackled me to the ground. He started running around like a crazy person, and at that moment, I felt like maybe life wasn't too bad.

* * *

So, what do you think will happen in two weeks? Will Eli be able to wait with innocent Clare being alone?

PS I want some brutal and honest reviews. I really want to improve my writing, so if you could review, that would be awesome!

Review and I'll update soon! :)

Thanks for reading!


	8. Trouble

HEY HEY HEY! haha so I wrote this chapter in one day! It's kinda short, but I think you'll like it. ;) Anyways, I don't have anything to rant about, so I'll keep it short. Thanks for all the reviews! I know that 18 isn't too much compared to other stories, but it's the most I've ever had, so thank you!

I do not own Degrassi in any way, shape, or form. :(

READ ON! :)

* * *

I thought that the Dead Hand concert would have kept my mind off of Clare. Once again, I was completely and utterly wrong. I just couldn't keep those blue eyes off my mind.

Don't get me wrong; the concert was freaking fantastic. The band played a few new songs off their new album, and it was fucking insane. I just really wanted to know that Clare wanted to be with me, too.

I tried everything from blasting music to driving Morty around the town. Nothing kept my mind off of her. I kept my distance from Clare throughout the week, but each time I would see those eyes, I'd lose control.

Something about those big blue eyes kept me attracted. I couldn't help but smile whenever I saw her. I felt so mushy inside.

The first week dragged on, but Adam, being the best friend you could have, helped me survive it by spending less time with Fiona and more time with me. Fiona was okay with it since she was studying up for her finals before winter break.

"This new issue is outrageous. You have to read this once you're done with _The Goon._" I nodded to Adam's outlandish remark. There was no way I was going to read _The China Town Saga_, not even if Clare was in some skimpy outfit, teasing me with it. _Fuck. _I needed to stop fantasizing about her because Clare was no floozy.

"Just shut up already about that comic. I don't care if there are naked girls in that comic. I'm not going to read it even if you force me to read it." We both laughed at my comment. Sometimes I sounded ridiculous.

Adam started to talk about the comic, but I was distracted. There were a pair of blue eyes making their way toward her locker. I smirked and watched her blush. Hopping up to my feet, I bee lined my way toward her locker, leaning against the adjacent locker.

"Eli, if you think leaning up against a locker is going to impress me, then-"

"Then, what?" I stepped closer to her, closing the amount of space between us. She bit her lip. _She was nervous. _

"Then, um, well, it's not going to work." I chuckled.

"I think I've already impressed you, Clare." She looked down to her toes. I slid my thumb under her chin, raising her head to make her eyes meet mine. I watched as the crystals sparkled in the light.

"You don't need to impress me, Eli." She turned around and walked towards Fiona. They intertwined their arms and walked off. She was ballsy, and I loved it.

"If I'm not correct, then I'd say Elijah Goldsworthy is blushing." I squinted my eyes at Adam and punched his shoulder.

"OW!" He clutched his shoulder in pain. I smirked. He may have been right, but there was no chance in hell that I'd ever admit to it.

"That's what you get, Torres." We walked off to class, each going a separate way to class.

* * *

I couldn't help but realize that I had been extremely close to kissing her. Two inches closer, and I would've kissed Clare. I felt my cheeks burn. Those thoughts always made me blush.

Since the day I met her, I have dreamed of kissing those lips. Those plump, pink lips look so kissable. With every word, she tempted me to make my move. I wondered if she knew that every move she makes makes my insides go insane.

I know she said two weeks, but I don't think I can wait another few days. Tonight I would make my move. It was now or never.

* * *

Clare had yearbook after school, so I didn't drive her home from school. I decided to text her because I was becoming extremely impatient.

Me: Hey, Clare, are you home? - Within a minute she answered me back.

Clare: Unfortunately, why?

Me: Do you think I could come over?

Clare: Sure! When?

Me: See you in ten minutes.

* * *

I've never drove so fast in my life, well, except the time when I found out about Julia. But, right now, I don't need to focus on the past. I need to focus on the future. Specifically my future with Clare, well hopefully there's a future there.

I turned off the engine and walked to Clare's door. Before I could knock, the door opened. Her father stood there about to walk out to his car. I had only talked with him a few times before, but he was slightly intimidating. I tried my best to impress him, but I think my "style" made him think I was somewhat of a bad influence on Clare. I tried my best to still impress him.

"Hello, Mr. Edwards. How are you?" I smiled while extending my hand. He shook it firmly and gave me a quick smile.

"I've had better days, Eli. Clare's inside with her mother. I'm glad you're over here, rather than that Fitzgerald boy. I never truly liked that kid." I smirked; we had one thing in common.

"I wasn't a fan, either. Thankfully Clare came to her senses." He nodded and walked to his car.

"Bye, Eli."

"Bye." It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would've been, but Mr. Edwards still somewhat scared me.

I knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open it. All of a sudden, the sky opened up, and it began to pour. I stood there in the rain waiting for Clare to come. I was soaking wet, and eventually, the door opened.

As soon as Clare saw me, she began to laugh. I shook my head, and the rain from my hair got her wet.

"Eli, don't you dare touch me." I raised my eyebrows.

"Aww, is Clare-bear afraid of a little rain?" I laughed because I knew she hated that nickname.

"Eli," She warned me by sticking up her finger at me as if I was a five-year old.

I chased her up the stairs to her bedroom where she handed me a towel to dry my hair off. I hung my jacket up in the shower and sat on her bed next to her. I didn't know how to begin, but luckily she started to talk first.

"So, what did you want to do?" Kiss. Makeout. Anything that involved being with you. _Slow down, Eli. _

"How about we talk?" She nodded. I took a deep breath before explaining myself.

"I know you said two weeks or whatever, but I couldn't wait that long, Clare. I need you to know that I still-" She stopped me.

"Two weeks? Oh, I just thought that two weeks was enough time before you and I could, umm, you know," She froze. I looked into those eyes, and she kept her gaze right on me. _Go for it, Eli. It's now or never. _

I moved closer to Clare. She bit her lip, and I grazed my thumb across her cheek. Once again her cheeks were that cute shade of pink. I naturally smirked at her and slid my thumb below her chin, pulling her closer.

She still looked nervous, but at that moment it didn't matter.

I turned my head, and naturally she turned her head, too. Slowly, I pulled her closer and crashed my lips onto hers. To her surprise, I slid my tongue into her mouth for a quick second before pulling away. It may have been a quick kiss, but it was definitely something.

I watched as she touched her lips, still in shock of what had happened. My heart was racing as if I was on a rollercoaster. She looked into my eyes and blushed shyly.

I know some say that one kiss can't make you feel butterflies in your stomach, but they're wrong. My stomach felt like there was a party going on down there.

"Clare, was that okay? I didn't mean to just come on to you like that, but-"

"Eli, it was perfect." I leaned up against her headboard, and Clare laid her head on my shoulder.

Her words were just right. _It was perfect. _

So? Did it please you? haha that sounds retarded but whatevs!

Please review because you love me or my story! haha

thanks for reading and taking time out of your day to read my little fanfiction.

next update will probably be after thursday


	9. Listen to Your Heart

I AM SO SORRY. It's been way too long since I've written. I had part of this chapter written since last Thursday, but I had absolutely no time to finish it. I tried to finish it Friday, but my mind was so focused on my upcoming volleyball tournament. If anyone cares, my team made a statement. We are basically a 16's team with one 17 year old, so we have to play up in 17's. We got 1st place on Sunday! :) I was so excited, but I wasn't allowed to bring my laptop. But today, I had a snow day! YAY! haha anyways, I finished the chapter, so here ya go...

I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.

READ ON! :)

* * *

You know that saying about news traveling fast? Well, at Degrassi, that's an understatement.

Somehow news about Clare and me dating had gotten out, and it was the talk of the school. I didn't mind the attention, but Clare was pretty shy when it came to relationships. She barely wanted to hold hands in the hallway, but eventually she warmed up to the idea of PDA.

It had been a few weeks since our first kiss. As soon as Adam saw us after our first kiss, he knew something was up between us. Whenever Clare and I would look at each other, one of us would blush or wink, and after a while, Adam would roll his eyes at either of us. Even Fiona was a little fed up with it.

I thought the transition from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend would have been somewhat awkward, but with Clare, everything felt right.

* * *

I walked up to her locker before the late bell was about to ring. I pinched her sides, and a cute squeal escaped from her lips. She was so damn cute.

"Eli!" She screamed my name, and I couldn't help but smirk. She was too cute whenever she was angry. Clare pouted and put her hands on her hips. Her eyes were squinted, and I began to laugh.

"Why are you laughing, Elijah?" She only used my full name when she meant business. My smirk began to fade. I hated my full name.

"Because you're just so cute." I closed the distance between the two of us. A blush crept up her cheeks. I rubbed her cheekbone before pulling her close. She may not like PDA, but I, on the other hand, don't mind it, especially with her.

"Eli, we shouldn't-" I rose my finger to her lips, motioning for her to stop talking. Slipping my arm around her waist, I felt Clare melt into me. Our lips crashed for a brief period of time before the bell rang. Something always seemed to interrupt us when we were close.

"Eli?" We both began walking to homeroom. I slid my hand over towards hers, entwining our fingers. I could feel she wanted to pull away, but eventually, she gave up.

"What's up, Clare?"

"I think this could actually work out." I smiled before turning toward her. She was completely and utterly correct.

"Me, too." She smiled, blue eyes sparkling. I squeezed her hand before letting her go to her Grade 10 homeroom. Something inside told me that this relationship wasn't going to be some high school sweetheart story, where the two part ways after graduation.

I wasn't going to let those blue eyes get away from me any time soon.

* * *

Clare had a yearbook meeting after school, so I waited for her to finish. I sat on Morty's hood, reading a comic book. Every so often I'd laugh or smile, knowing I had a pretty decent life. I wasn't perfect, nor was she, but we were perfect for each other.

I was minding my own business before _someone _slammed Morty's roof with his hand. That someone was _Fitz. _Obviously, he wasn't too happy with me. _I wonder why? _I smirked while looking at him, knowing I had finally beat him. I was with Clare, and he was alone.

"So, Eli, I guess you like leftovers, seeing as Clare was mine first." He laughed, but I just smirked. He wanted me to give into him. He thought that I would fight him, which would upset Clare. There was no way I was going to make her upset. I cared far too much to do anything to hurt her.

"Think whatever you want, Fitz, but in the end, I'm the one with Clare, _not you._" His smile faded away. Stepping closer, he grabbed my collar. It took everything inside me to not hit him. I still had control of myself.

"I don't think you want to do that, Fitz. A little birdie told me one more fight, and you're out of here." His grip tightened. I heard a soft cough in the background. I recognized that cough. _Clare. _She was not going to be happy. But to be honest, I had done nothing wrong.

He must've heard it, too, because he let go of my collar. I straightened it while readjusting my shirt. I needed to make sure I still looked good in front of her. I always felt the need to impress her.

"Hey, _Clare._" He had no right to talk to her. My fists clenched. He needed to leave right now.

"Hi, Mark," She smiled, but instead of starting a conversation, she walked towards me, "Eli? Are you okay?" She wrapped her arms around me. He looked extremely pissed off. I held her tight, making him feel jealous.

"Yeah, Clare, I'm fine. It was just a little misunderstanding. Right, _Mark_?" He squinted his eyes at me.

"Oh yeah. No need to worry, Clare." He walked off without looking back. I prayed, yeah prayed, that he wouldn't interfere anymore.

Clare scooted her way onto the roof. I could tell she was nervous because she bit her lip. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She smiled, but something was on her mind. And I needed to know what she was thinking about. She always had trouble hiding her feelings, and those big blue eyes never seemed to help. Instead of wearing her heart on her sleeve, she wore her heart in her eyes, if that makes sense.

"Spit it out, Edwards." She sighed.

"I don't want you two to fight over me. If it's going to be that way, then I can't be with you." I wasn't expecting that, but I wasn't going to let some Neanderthal screw up the best thing in my life. If he thought that he could break Clare and me up, then he was completely wrong.

"Hey," I turned her to face me, "there's no fighting here. He said something to me, so I answered. I'm not going to waste my time with that asshole." I knew she didn't appreciate the cursing, but I needed to make my point. I wasn't going to lose her.

"So, you're saying that you'd rather lay low with your girlfriend?" I smirked. She wanted to be my girlfriend. I kind of already had put that label on her even though we hadn't talked about it.

I hopped off of Morty, still looking at her.

"Twist my rubber arm, _girlfriend. _As long as you want to lay low with your _boyfriend._" She smiled as I extended my hand toward her. Grabbing my hand, I pulled her off of Morty and into a kiss.

She slid her arms around my neck, as my arms made their way around her waist. Pulling her closer, my tongue found its way into her mouth, receiving a squeal. I could tell she was surprised. I smirked through the kiss, and she still managed to punch my shoulder.

After a few minutes of kissing, she pulled away, gasping for air. I smirked and put my arm around her shoulders before opening the door for her. I leaned in the window, seeing as it was open, hoping for another kiss.

"Thank you, _boyfriend._" She kissed my cheek instead of my lips, but it was still worth it. I could feel my cheeks heat up. It was always the small things that made me blush whenever I was around her. I was so mushy when it came to her.

"You're welcome, _girlfriend._ I'm just doing my job." She giggled, blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"And everyone though chivalry was dead." I laughed. I honestly don't know where I would be without her. If she hadn't have broken up with Fitz, I'd probably be skipping school. She filled that hole in my heart.

She was my other half, and I love her for that.

* * *

So? I have not written in forever, so be harsh.

I need reviews, so I can focus on things to make my writing better.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story, and I hope that you'll continue to read this.

PS Did anyone see those new promos? Eclare cannot survive without each other! Grrr Degrassi writers! haha

i love you all!

& i couldn't think of a nevershoutnever! song to call this, so i'll be mixing the maine songs and nevershoutnever! songs into this story...


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